THIS WEEKS STATS:
SHARING THIS BLOG
I shared my blog on social media for the first time this week and it was scary. I was still getting over the idea that I might not finish Ironman and was feeling down about it. I had been keeping this blog but had only shared it with a couple close friends and thought “Well, now I can never share the blog publicly because I won’t actually do Ironman pregnant.” It occurred to me that this may be the perfect time to share the blog: It’s a way of “leaning-in” to the idea of working towards a goal and being OK with not accomplishing it. Furthermore, not finishing Ironman has always been a possibility – just because it’s increasingly likely doesn’t mean that my attempt or journey isn’t meaningful – to me or possibly others.
I’m so glad I did share my blog. Several folks reached out saying they had read my blog and enjoyed it. Hopefully I’m moving the cultural bar on what’s accepted for pregnant women — and selfishly reaping encouragement along the way.
THE WORK WEEK
I had a great work week. I managed to find a good balance between work, momming, and working out. I committed to heading to work late every day spending 6-9am with Oliver every day. Our morning routine was: snuggling in bed, making and eating breakfast at home, getting ready for the day, heading to a local bakery to play Trouble (and eat a 2nd breakfast), and dropping him off at art camp.
Oliver spent the afternoons with my mom and I headed to my workouts directly after work. I’d often get home just in time to tuck him into bed – but it didn’t feel so bad because I knew when he woke up we’d have another morning of dedicated time together.
I had two good key workouts this week. I was pleased with my performance at our team’s brick session on Tuesday. I’m starting to get slower, but was still able to crank out 7:15-7:45 pace for the 1/2 mile run intervals off the bike. On Thursday we had another team practice with a key run. With the company of a teammate who’s faster, I pushed myself to keep up with her on our two 10 minute intervals at 10K pace. Later when we did 2 minute all-out efforts, she left me in the dust, but I did push myself harder than I have since before my trip to Reno and subsequent cold.
The end of the workweek was demanding and to meet all my commitments I barely slept Thursday night and was tired all day. I had plans to complete an easy 1 hour bike ride after work with a friend however she needed to cancel and I just never got on that bike. I spent an undetermined amount of time just laying on the couch and contemplating my options: Oliver was with his dad all weekend and I had the evening to myself. Instead of biking, I decided to walk to a local cafe for dinner, take a bath, and head to bed early.
Saturday’s plan was to complete a full Ironman swim (2.4 miles) at a nearby lake with my team and then run 90-120 minutes. Late Friday night our coach emailed with a report of Sunday’s weather (rain and storms) suggesting we switch our Saturday run and Sunday bike to avoid biking in poor weather.
Saturday morning, I had a great swim and was pleased to see that my time was right on-pace with my performance last year, even with choppy waters on the way back. I changed and headed out for my bike ride: a there-and-back, 2 hours each way. During my ride I uncovered a bike issue that caused me to turnaround after 30 minutes. A teammate fixed the problem but then it started to rain (it was actually just sprinkling).
Normally, these obstacles wouldn’t have kept me from finishing my ride. These would have been hiccups in my day but I would have continued on and ensured the workout got done. Not this day; I went home instead.
During my drive home, I began to feel very tired and a little nauseous. When I got home, I took a quick shower and went straight to bed. I woke up 90 minutes later and felt weak, a little shaky, and dizzy. Realizing I probably hadn’t eaten enough that day, I headed to the kitchen for a quick protein shake and made myself a sandwich. I spent the rest of the day fulfilling a volunteer commitment and had dinner with my mom.
I spent the morning volunteering at a local triathlon, came home for a nap, and woke up with the same dizziness as the day before. I again headed to the kitchen to eat something but struggled with eating the rest of the day. I didn’t have much of an appetite albeit feeling tired and fatigued. (Good thing I have an appointment with my midwife on Monday to discuss and troubleshoot.)
Assuming I had completed Saturday’s bike ride, Sunday was supposed to be a 90-120 minute run. I had not completed my bike ride, though – and I was feeling guilty – and the bike is my weakest discipline (the piece of Ironman that may cause me to DNF). Instead of running, I thought it would be best to get back on the bike.
With storms in the forecast, I planned for an afternoon on the trainer watching Sex and the City (which I had recently restarted from the beginning). When season 2 ended, I had been on the trainer for 90 minutes, my butt hurt, Carrie and Big had just broken up (again), and I had no interest in watching an entire season of Carrie dating other men while Big was in Paris — I also had no interest in biking anymore. So, I stopped.
MAKING AND ACCEPTING DIFFERENT CHOICES
In terms of accomplishing my planned workouts, this weekend was a failure…again. I guess with the acceptance of not completing Ironman (the focus of the last week), I also lost some motivation to push through the discomfort of a long bike ride. I could easily blame my failure to complete workouts on my pregnancy. I could say my pregnancy was holding me back, or my nausea/dizziness was concerning, or something equally true and convincing. The truth is, however, that I simply lacked the will.
I’m not sure what my choices this weekend mean for race day in two weeks. I do know what they mean for today, though. They mean I enjoyed the weekend more than I would have — they mean I have time to be writing this blog at a coffee shop with a warm cup of tea. Shortly, I’ll head home for a bath and a good night’s rest. I may regret these choices later, but probably not. There will be another Ironman another year for me to get after.