I’m doing hard things. I’ve been reminding myself of that a lot this week. Training for Ironman is hard – I think most people who train for Ironman would admit that the 6-2 weeks before race day can be grueling. Being pregnant can be a challenge; your body is changing, clothes don’t fit, and you’re at times flooded with emotions. If your spouse leaves for a trip-of-a-lifetime across the world for 6 weeks with limited internet availability, it can be hard to fill the gap that person once fulfilled. I’m doing all of those things together and it is really, really hard. Harder than I thought.
I cry sometimes. Sometimes for good reason and sometimes for no reason at all. This week, I cried because 1) my foot pain may keep me from being properly trained for and being able to complete a race I’ve been working hard for, 2) I was lonely and hadn’t talked to my husband in two days, 3) I had a stressful week at work (this normally contributes to job satisfaction and doesn’t make me cry), and 4) because I was struggling this week and didn’t understand why everything felt so hard.
It’s been incredibly validating for me to remind myself that I’m doing hard things – 3 of them at the same time. It’s supposed to be hard; what I’m feeling is normal. I chose to sign up for Ironman knowing my husband would be gone for all of August – and I then chose to try and get pregnant while keeping all previous plans intact. I knowingly made these decisions and put myself in this situation. While there is a lot of strength in my head down approach, I often don’t give myself space to reflect on how I feel. Instead, I hold it all together as long as I can until I have a week like last week and I feel sad and don’t understand why I’m struggling and why everything feels so hard. Then I remember: Rochelle, what you’re doing is hard; but you’re doing it!